An Expectation is a Premeditated Resentment

“An expectation is a premeditated resentment”. Some would see “unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments” as a more accurate statement. I’m not sure I agree. Where do expectations come from? They come from our beliefs, our standards, perceptions, views, experiences and our way of doing things. We expect others to see the world the way we do, to do things the way we do them – the right way, to know what we know.

The definition of an expectation – something that is supposed to happen. An assumption.

We often forget where we began, that we were once learning, mastering an art. Some of us feel that frustration sitting behind a learner driver doing 40 km in an 80 km zone, the need to speed past them and show our annoyance at their lack of ability and how they are holding us up. We’ve forgotten our fear those first few times, how daunting it was to get behind the wheel of a car and drive for the first time and how long it took to gain our confidence to drive on our own. We vent our frustration and annoyance at those that aren’t at our level because our expectations are set too high, we become intolerant and impatient with those that might be learning or experiencing something different.

Does this then create an environment where those that are learning, those that haven’t come into their own feel isolated, feel like an annoyance afraid to ask and learn and therefore feel unwelcome. Think of what you could teach, think of the positive impact you could/can make. Your time is precious, none of us have enough time, but if you invested a small amount of your time outlining your expectations how different could things be? We have the opportunity to teach but we miss this opportunity because we assume others should know; “its commonsense”, “it’s not rocket science”, “they should know what we need”. We forget what it was like to be at the beginning of our journey or to walk into an environment that we didn’t know. Even those with experience walk into new environments where what they know is challenged, we’ve all been/are there.

As a mum to Master 6 and Master 9, I myself at times assume that my children have common sense, that they should know better. They should just know instinctively what’s right and wrong and my expectations of them. But when they make the wrong choices I realise that sometimes that assumption wasn’t fair, how could they have possibly known what I’ve assumed they’d know. A lot of what we consider to be common sense is taught, we learn through experience, through the consequences, good or bad, that follow.

I’m new to this world of education. I know others make assumptions that I know what I am doing or that I should know what I am doing and this comes from their experience and understanding of the world they’ve been immersed in for a lot longer than me, and I’m okay with that. I know I will continue to ask when I’m not sure and I will own when I’ve messed up. But there are those among us that won’t, those that aren’t assertive, those that feel they can’t speak up. They aren’t being proactive I agree, but then are you? Stop for a moment and ask yourself are my expectations too high? Do you have an expectation that what comes easily to you comes as easily to others? Are you assuming that someone knows your expectations of them? How do they know? Did you tell them? Or should they just know what you need from them? If you’re lucky they may just get it, it may just be “common sense” to them but this is a rare find. Do you give them the chance or have you decided before they even begin that they aren’t any good? Have they failed before they’ve had a chance because of your assumptions and expectations?

So I encourage you to communicate your expectations, give someone the chance to meet them. Consider your expectations of yourself, your family, friends or colleagues, are you setting yourself and them up for failure resulting in your resentment?

Never forget your learning journey, you didn’t always know what you know. And remember you are still learning, so what would you want from those around you that know more than you do? And most importantly, if you communicate these expectations and others still fail to meet them always remember: